Bridesmaid

Today i am very happy to announce that my best friend and his gf are going to get married on 20th of feb 2009, that day is going to be the best day of my life because it's the day when two of my most dearest friends are going to become life partners. The boy is my childhood friend whom i have known for all my life, we have seen so much together that it feels as if we have identical perception for the world.

He always longed for love all his life and when he finally found his special someone, i had no words to express my joy, at that moment i knew that his "girl" is going to be my best friend (it was premonition of some kind but it became true). The girl (whom i always refer to as "my bhabhi") came close to me because she knew if she wants to know about his future life partner than she has to take my help, within few months she became the most important person in my life, i always devoted my full attention to her woes and worries because i always felt that it was my responsibility to get her out of her insecurities (which most girls feels about their love).

Don't know if it was out of desperation or longing for acceptance that i opened up the darker side of my persona to her, but i knew that if i couldn't tell her than i wont be able to tell my best friend either, so one day i just told her everything which bugged me for 22yrs and i wasn't much surprised when she accepted me with her full heart, since that day i am her best girl friend (that she always wanted to have). After revealing my TG side to my bhabhi it was time for letting my best friend to know about it aswell, so i asked her if i should do it or not and she told me that "no matter what, you're going to remain his best friend throughout life time", this came out to be true when (after little problem) my friend accepted me aswell, after that there was no looking back (although i feel bad about my friend sometimes because he lost his male friend that day) both of them sacrificed so much for me that no matter how much i try i can never repay them, really friends like these change a persons life forever (and that's the reason why i hold so much respect for friendship).

So as the day to the wedding is coming nearer and nearer my concern for them is getting high with each passing day (because i know these days are very critical for their future), everyday i have to resolve their confusions and settle their fights (can't blame them as they both are very young, my friend is 24 and my bhabhi is just 22yrs old). Recently i realized that men don't like to share their feelings with others as much as girls like to do, so this sometimes make me feels rejected because my friend hardly shares his daily life with me anymore, he just don't seems to feel comfortable in revealing his emotions to anyone, but on the other hand my bhabhi shares even the most personal feelings with me (and i really appreciate the trust which she shows in me).

Few days ago (out of the blue) she messaged and asked me to help her out in her wedding shopping, i was little surprised by that because mostly girls do that with their family or very very close girl friends, so when she saw a little hesitation (and little coyness) in me, she told me frankly that she consider me her only true friend and want no one else to accompany her in this important task, i had no way to turn her request down because i knew that if she trust me with all her heart than who i am to break it, so with little giggling and shyness i agreed to become her official bridesmaid .

simi x

Poems that i wrote 7 years ago

Desire
i searched my heart and soul
to conquer my desire
my highest goal
while overcoming my foes
i saw a diminishing twilight
as my dear friend goes

today i pretend to be happy
but you know the truth
that my heart is soaring
just like a calm sea and a thunderstorm roaring

i'am caught in a castle of dreams
cause they are slipping away
don't know if it is true
or it just seems.

Friendship
To our friendship I dedicate this rhyme
So u can remember our friendship
Time after time

To our friendship, I gave my all
So be sure, that I’ll catch u, whenever
You broke your fall

To our friendship, I add a little spice
So, you would have to be serious, because
It’s not a game of dice

To our friendship, I wish it would always remain,
Because I’m missing you so much, and
It’s driving me insane.

Relic
Memories and tears
Are the gift you gave me
And I wont give you a chance
To rescue and a reason to save me

Is our friendship worth enough
Worth enough to be saved
If you ask me
I’am very eager to let be graved

Love is eternity, they say
Love is passion, but I don’t
Feel it that way
Because, inch by inch it’s tearing my heart,
Like I’am all about to be slayed.

My obsession for cats

Well cats are integral part of my psychology, yea i know it sounds funny to few people and i am a constant butt of jokes for all my friends due to me being an Aliurophile, few of them even say that i must had been a Cat in my past life, hmm quite judgmental i assume but no mockery no humiliation ever made me side tracked.

As far as i can remember my love affair with Cats started when i was quite young, at that time i could wait for hours and hours outside barn to get a little glimpse at newly born Kittens, there was something so mesmerizing about them that words wont justify my feelings properly, to watch them play to watch them staring at me blankly as if they think that i am some kind of pervert lol was totally worth it.

You can call it cruel joke or you can call it sarcasm by God that i wasn't able to keep a Cat as pet (cause mom thought that they were useless glutton), so i always end up having a Mutt instead, it's not that i hated Dogs it was just that i had a desire to hold this magnificent feline creature and to love it till the end of eternity.

Futile attempt

After spending almost two and half year on internet and searching for like minded cd/tg girls in India seems a big disappointment, everyone seems on a crossroad to hellish nightmare (all thanks to wrong entities among us), i wonder why does cd/tg girls in here lose their sanity? is anonymity a tool to behave unethically? do my questions will ever be answered? i wonder in despair....