A prayer

Dear God please send me
somebody who'll care!
I'm tired of running, I'm sick
with despair.

My body is aching, it's so racked
with pain.
As dear God i pray, as i sit in this
rain.

That someone will love me and give
me a home.
A warm cozy bed and a big juicy bone.

My last owner tied me all day in the yard,
sometimes with no water and
God that was hard!

So i chewed my leash and i ran away,
to rummage in garbage and live
as a stray.

But now I'm tired and hungry and cold,
and I'm so afraid that I'll never
grow old.

They've chased me with sticks,
hit me with stones.
While i run the streets just looking for bones!

I'm not really bad God, please help
if you can.
For i have become just a victim
of man.

I'm wormy dear God and I'm ridden
with fleas,
and all that i want is an owner to please!

If you find one for me God, I'll try
to be good.
I wont chew their shoes, and I'll
do as i should.

I will love them, protect them and
try to obey.
When they tell me to sit, to lie down
or to stay.

Cause I'm getting so weak and
I'm Oh so alone.
Each night as i sleep in bushes
i cry.
Cause I'm so afraid God, that
I'm gonna die.

I've got so much love and devotion
to give.
That i should be given a new chance to live.

So dear God please please answer
my prayer,
and send me somebody who will
really care!

simi x

Labels

"Dear are you a cd or girl?", that's the first thing that I'm asked very often, i always get mixed emotions out of this question, i always wonder that why are we keeping ourselves in a cocoon of labels?.

It got to be linked with our perception of superiority among our known and unknown contacts, many think that being a deviant in our society is a mark of samael, a symbol of shame, such low self esteem not only affect the person who is a deviant but affects the whole society, this slowly and slowly generate a taboo, we starts to take it for granted and starts labeling one another, it takes form of a mass epidemic.

Whatever we think we are and what others think of us is co-related to one another, we may not always like to admit, but we tend to constantly judge ourselves through the eyes of others, it's here that these so called labels become so important for us, the prime example of it would be something like this :-

"honey you look gorgeous, are you a gg?"
in this case the use of the label "gg" for a non genetic girl would be an ego boost, but if the same question is asked to a genetic girl, that would be considered outright rude.

Taking pride in who we are is a good thing, but making others feel low about them is a social sin, i have had met many people online who takes pride in being a transgendered but they have little consideration for the people belonging to other area of the LGBT spectrum, such ego and self-center behavior can make someone loose their self confidence.

So in the end i can say that labels are part of our normal and LGBT society, it's impossible to get rid of them, but what we actually should change is the way we handle them, the way we force them onto one another without considering the consequences and the implications that this will put on someone's life.

simi x

Identity

Who am i? this a basic question one individual ask him or herself atleast once in a lifetime, but the answer to this question may or may not be found, it is due to the fact that science may have solved the evolution of humans, but it's still nowhere near to discovering the mystery of 'individual identity'.

This is a mind boggling topic so i'll try to keep it simple as possible, so i am not gonna touch the mystic part of the question here, but the social aspect of it, to say it in simple words- i want to discuss about the factors which serves as the building blocks in the development of a person's identity, which helps define him, gives him a unique personality.

So what are those factors? let's discuss them in detail -

1) Family - First and foremost has to be family, because when a person comes in this world, it's the family which is the first contact point for the child, many of the important traits that a person aquires are from his childhood experience with parents and fellow siblings.

2) Educational institutes- they act as a guide in person's life, helps him find the right path, helps him in carving a better future with the tools of education. It is this place where he start to explore the world, find the possibilities surrounding his individuality, his core identity not only as a boy or girl but as a human who is a part of a larger social web.

3) Friends- one of the most important factor directly responsible for any individuals self perception. Friends are the one who makes us a true social animal, we are highly senstive to their opinion, what we eat, drink, wear or do is directly proportional to the peer pressure. What kind of moral values a person has is all linked with friends, hence a bad company of friends can wreck a person completly, whereas good friends can make us a better human being altogether.

contd....

Love dot com

Chaos was eternal, the world so unkind
Had enough of this lonliness,
So sat down, to finally relax and unwind.
That's when something struck me
It was antagonist to my whining and tantrums,
And that's how i came across Love Dot Com.

It was alluring and it was charismatic,
Just like two particles
And the formidable law of electrostatics.

The attraction was imminent,
For i was a loner
And this site seemed so significant.
It opened so smooth and fast,
As my life was on a DSL line,
And i thought this connection will forever last.

Then suddenly out of nowhere,
A virus of ego popped up,
Which crashed this beautiful site,
And ended my love affair.

simi x

Anonymity

Every once in a while on internet we come across a person who happens to be a complete nuisance, behaving in unethical and immoral way which may surely get him into trouble if done same in real world. Is such kind of attitude due the power of "Anonymity" which internet easily provide? We often find ourselves in tight corners due to such behavior from some psycho's who are unleashed throughout the world. Psychologist often regard such people to be totally sane in their normal lives, they behave, eat, talk much like a normal sensible human being, but when it comes to their online avatar things changes drastically, they get into a shroud of perverse behavior, thinks that they are invincible and untraceable, so they start behaving completely opposite to their normal persona.

So what to do when we bump into these online nemesis? our best bet it is to ignore them completely coz such individuals gets a high when they see others panic in front of them, they get turned off if their target stops reacting to their threats and abuse (i had experienced it myself)

We will always have bad apples among us and they will make us doubt even the decent people, we gotta learn from our past experiences and make our future safe, but we will always wonder in despair - "is anonymity a tool to behave unethically?"

simi x

Reflection of personality

Self admiration is our first love as girls, we often find ourselves getting obsessed with our mirror image. People say "mirror's don't lie", but i say they do lie sometimes when the person standing in front of them is an alluring CD. I love my female persona and so does all other girls like me i presume. We always need a medium to catch our self reflection, maybe with the help of a mirror, other reflective surfaces, or even our lover's eyes. So the fact remains that we can't catch our own image unless we take external help of some medium, hence we remain incomplete of our persona's unless and until we catch ourselves in a physical matter.

Being able to feel our self completely is a nerve wrecking experience, and it can only be felt through personal experience only. This feeling is mesmerizing to behold and too epic to forget over passage of time.

The critical thing to notice here is the fact that different individuals might react differently to this, it's just like a ripple of imagination created by our fantasies, the size of it will inc. same like as a wave propagate from it's epicenter.

A same individual with two distinct personalities or with slight overlapping ones will obviously have different types of emotions running in his or her body whenever a confrontation with a mirror takes place. A CD/TG will disdain the reflection of an unwanted persona and will crave the one desired. Me for example always shy away from my male reflection in the mirror, i hardly ever look at myself (unduly) but in the case of my fem mirror image, i just can't get enough of it, so i can proudly say that i am a narcissist when it comes to being Simi.

Sometimes a mirror can be our enemy aswell, as seen in the cases of individuals with low self esteem. Such cases sometimes leads to many other psychological issues such as lack of confidence, catagelophobia, catoptrophobia and many other problems. These issues need immediate help as depression is more potent than any known intoxicant. Everyone need assurance and love from others, when these things starts to diminish from our lives we start drifting into an abyss of low self esteem, only few people are strong enough to counter this alone, rest everyone needs a helping hand to break this spell of desolation.

simi x

Click click click.............!

The sound of woman's heels has always been a joy to me and to be honest the louder more distinctive click click of the metal heel has always right from my youth prompted a scan around to find the heels in question and the wearer.

I think this stems from my perception that when I was young this sound was synonymous with glamor and expensive sophistication. Unfortunately it now seems to be shunned by women unless they wish to be noticed
:(

p.s- it's been ages since i heard this sweet sound :'(

simi x